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[17 Sep 2004|08:09pm] |
Ah. I'm saying goodbye to this journal. I was too lazy to go back and change every damn entry to friends only so add my new name if you wanna be friends still. xxhornyhippo
looooove -shi
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| let your waves crash down on me and take me away... |
[07 Sep 2004|11:49am] |
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Yellowcard -- "Ocean Avenue" |
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So I dont actually have anything to update about, I'm just bored out of my freakin' mind. I wanna write about Sean but I cant put my feelings into words. Everytime I think about it my mind turns to mush and I just cant think.
So I never actually liked Yellowcard and I still dont but I am listening to "Ocean Avenue" right now. Its like the story of my life almost. Its so weird because I remember liking it for like 3 days and then it got so completely overplayed. So I never got to really listen because the sound of it maked me want to puke. But now I'm actually listening to it and it describes my life from freshman to sophomore year. Its about the boy and girl who are together but they have to break up right? Well Sean and me were never together but I was so in love with him for like two years. And we became pretty good friends but never anything more.Then I finally had to "say goodbye" because he didnt feel that way. Our story obviously has a different and happy ending but it still feels so real. Like the part where it says "Let your waves crash on me and take me away..." Thats us now. I guess the only difference is we got what the song is asking for in the end... things got better. Blah... weird.
( sing to me darlin'... )
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| and if you want me back, youre gonna hafta ask... |
[05 Sep 2004|08:44pm] |
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"Buried Myself Alive" - The Used |
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Hey fuckers. Long time no update. Well I finally mustered up some time to do this. Be thankful.
So I've been doing a lot of crying lately. Mostly because of or over Sean. Or so I thought. Wrong. That fucker would never make me cry. Everything else around me has basically been crumbling so naturally I was willing to let my relationship with him crumble too because it felt like I was losing everything else and I felt as if I'd lose him soon so I wanted to cut it off quick. Well we cried and laughed and talked and realized so much about me, together. We've made tremendous progress. Its sickening how in love we are. *hands everyone a barf bag* He's my one and only. Ha.
Hmmm besides the usual family, friend, school bull shit not much else has been up. I've been crafty lately. Making purses and more pillows. And reorganizing my room. Throwing things out. I like it. I feel as if I'm making a positive change for myself for this year although it wouldnt be apparent to anyone but me. Make sense? I dont care! Heh.
So yeah I have like two more days of summer left. *fucks self in the ass to get it over with* Grrr. I'm so not looking forward to it. I already bought all my shit... thats like my favorite thing ever. School supply shopping owns, bitches!!!
Let's see.... shopping, crafting, crying... oh dancing! I realized just how much I love to dance. Alone of course, but holy shit its fun.
I'm in such a nice mood right now. I've chosen to let so much go... so much has happened in the past few days... whatever. I'm too cute to frown right? Ha. Kidding, kiddies. But really, I'm gonna be happy... Happiness is more fun and I need some god damned fun. So fuck everyone who's tried to fuck me...
Mmm yeah, I win the award for most pointless entry. Comment and make me smile.
xx - S
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| falling falling falling.... spinning out of control. |
[30 Aug 2004|11:25pm] |
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mood |
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Ashlee Simpson - Unreachable |
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Gosh... I must write. I'm in a frenzy. I dont know what to do. Its like someone unplugged me and my spare batteries are slowly draining. I have so much yet I feel so empty. I dont feel happy in my own skin. I want out. I despise what I have become and even more what I fear I will become. I fear I'm spiraling down into a hole of scars, blood and pain. I fear I will be nothing to anyone, soon and I dont know how to stop myself. On the outside I'm all smiles and laughs. Inside I'm screaming. My body aches and my spirit is dying. I need a release. I need space and I need time. I need me time and I need to discover who I am and what I want to be. I'm so cooped up and everything is beginning to over flow. I need to feel needed but not smothered. I wish for people to see inside me and stop using me for themselves. I need time for me not for you. Leave me the fuck alone. I'm only one person, not twelve, no matter how much I care I cannot be everybody's superman. For once I am asking for a superman. Someone to catch me as I fall. I'm ready to fall into someone's arms. I need it. I dont want to keep this to myself like always. I want to cuddle in with someone and cry. Cry until I cant cry anymore. Then I want to scream until I lose my voice. Then I want to wallow in self pity. I need it. I'm always coming to everybody's rescue. Its time for me to be rescued...
Thats addressed to no one in particular although one guy fits the description of what I long for perfectly. I doubt that, that up there made any sense to any of you but thats okay. This is my journal, my life, me.
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| i dont know much at all i dont know wrong from right all i know is that i love you tonight... |
[30 Aug 2004|09:45pm] |
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Good Charlotte - Say Anything |
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Today.. hmmm. Cleaned house, did laundry, Sean came over, we did nothing. That pretty much sums up my day. I think I'm trying to be as lazy as I can before school starts because once it starts I'll never have a chance to be lazy. My schedule looks like this:
1st- IB Bio 2 (hardest class I've ever taken was IB Bio 1 so I cant imagine how bad this'll be)
2nd- Sign Language 1 (Shouldnt be very easy but I thought it'd be fun!)
3rd- Weight Training (A fun break!)
4th- Physics (I had to have been high when I chose this.. holy shit, I'm screwed!)
5th- Spanish 4 (Meh, not too difficult.)
So I guess I only have a few really hard classes then a few medicorely hard classes then one fun class in the middle. A break! So I guess I'll be alright. I just absolutely loathe school because of the people. I fucking hate them. I swear if my school got trapped and everyone died I'd only care for like 6 people at most. Out of what 2000-ish? Pathetic. Oh well.
Anyway enough of that shit... nothing else good is up. I've been going through some rough times with my best friend and my family. Fuck. I hate people sometimes.
I've gotta work tomarrow and everyday this week until Friday. I'll make a decent amount of money though, 120 bucks. Yeehaw, shoe shopping! I still hafta go school clothes shopping... I think I need pants. I've gone hog wild with shirts, but no pants. Maybe two pairs I think. Shopping trips with my mom always turn into fights though because she hates how "boy-y" I dress. Oh fuck her.
Anyway I'm done, later dollies.
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| only you can save me now, from this misery... |
[29 Aug 2004|10:15am] |
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mood |
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annoyed |
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Ryan Cabrera- All the Way Down |
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Grawr! I absolutely hate being woke up in the morning. Sean and me talked until sometime past 1 am this morning and at about 9 A.M. my sister and her not so quiet friend prance into the house yelling and talking loudly. Assholes. Then my sister discovers that my cat kncoked over her new hermit crabs and that they hid somewhere in her room. So she's bitching about that searching all over, screaming at my poor cat (whom I'm very proud of for knocking the bloody crabs over). So, now at 10 freakin' A.M. I'm wide awake and very grumpy. Ugh...
Anyway, what's been up... school shopping. Registration. We had family friends staying with us from the 23rd to the 27th, I believe. 'Twas fun but I had zero privacy and they have small irritating children. But the baby is cute! So we did the touristy stuff with them. Went downtown, went to this museum thing, stuff like that. Then Friday lover boy and I went to play mini golf. I haven't decided if I had fun or not. Just know that neither Sean nor I posess any golf skills, at all. We also brought home the new kitten on Thursday. Hippo. She's a darling kitten. OH! So I had this sudden urge to make pillows. So we went to the fabric store and I found Sean-fabric and Shiane-fabric so me and Sean worked together. He pushed the peddle on the sewing machine and I ran the fabric threw and we made matching pillows together. One side of course had Spider-Man on it and the other side was orange with polka-dots. A really funky and cute print. I must say, we were quite proud. At first we made them without sewing machines and we fucked up royally, hehe, but they came out lovely with the sewing machine.
Speaking of Sean, we've been having some amazing talks the past few nights. Something in out relationship has completely changed and its only for the better. We're amazingly closer and more in love then ever. *squeal* It's so exciting. Love is grand.
Commment, darlings. Love you.
--shidawg
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| you make me wanna LALA in the kitchen on the floor ill be a frenchmaid when i meet you at the door.. |
[25 Aug 2004|05:30pm] |
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 pessimistic |
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"Love Song" - The Cure |
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*sigh* This week has been a terrible week. Besides Monday, the anniversary was perfect, but now I just want the week to end but there is still 3 days left, I think. We've got house guests up a frickin wall and Sean and I fought today and my parents are treating me like crap. I wanna vent but I dont feel like elaborating so I shall go and enjoy the rain. Luff yew dollies.
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| why not take a crazy chance, you always dress in yellow when you wanna dress in gold |
[21 Aug 2004|09:17pm] |
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"Taste of Ink" - The Used |
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Small update I guess. Sean called. Finally. I know it'd only been like what two days? But flying makes me nervous and I just had to know he was okay. He was all cute with me but then he had to go. *sigh* I'm so in love dudes!
Grr. My little sister is just a fucking whore-face. I seriously cant stand her. She has her wacked out mood swings and I just wanna smack her face. Flatten her nose, blacken her eyes, bloody up her lip... Anything to show how angry she makes me. She doesn't even give a fuck either. Everything is about her and no matter who she hurts, she just doesn't care. Whatever, fuck her, mah Seany-Baby called.
EDIT: It wont let me put this under a cut. Fucking LJ. Anyway fill this out about me. Later, loves.
01. who are you, what's our relationship:
02. how and where did we meet:
03. how long have you known me:
05. tell me one good thing about myself:
06. my age:
07. birthday:
08. my favorite band at the moment:
09. colour eyes:
10. do i have any siblings:
11. do you remember one of the 1st things I said to you:
12. describe me in 3 words:
13. name 5 things i love:
14. how would you describe me to someone:
15. tell me one thing you've always wanted to say but never did:
16: what do you like most about me:
17: if we could spend a day together what would we do:
18: do you think we will be friends for at least 3 or 4 more years:
19. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
20. What do you think my weakness is?
21. Do you think I'll get married?
22. What makes me happy?
23. What makes me sad?
24. What reminds you of me?
25. If you could give me anything what would it be?
26. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
27. If I was an ice cream flavor, which would I be and why?
28. What song (if any) reminds you of me?
29. If you could change one thing about me, what would it be?
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| EDIT EDIT EDIT!!! |
[21 Aug 2004|11:55am] |
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The new layout its from the lovely Lorena!. Check her out and comment for her, tell her how fucking rockin' she is. Later, dolls.
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[20 Aug 2004|09:16pm] |
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"Resurrection" - HIM |
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Ah. So summer is really dwindling away. Sad, but true. No more late nights or sleeping in. School work will be torturous this year. Ugh. I have registration coming up on Tuesday the 24th. Yucky! We did some oh so exciting school shopping today. The saga shall continue tomarrow. Ugh, somebody kill me. We go back on the 8th. Hehe, my freshman sister gets to go back a day earlier for orientation! Ha! But, I have the fact that this is my last year to look forward to. Werd, bitches. I'm movin' on. I bought 'Razorblade Romance' by HIM yesterday. And a Senses Fail album, a Fallout Boy album, and the new Taking Back Sunday album. I'd always loved looking at Ville but now I have a whole new sense of respect for him. His love songs, while frightening to some, are pure genius to me. His voice is so beautiful. I have to babysit tomarrow, then after I'm done I must devote every waking hour to the anniversary project I have been putting off. Our anniversary shall be the best day of my entire life. Gauranteed. Anyway other then work and shopping and the helacious stress of starting school again, nothing is new. Oh, we get to pick up my new kitten this next week. In like four days I believe. I'm stoked. I no longer have to make an emergency trip to a place 1000 miles away for my best friend. I'm glad that crisis is over. It scared me. I went to Toys R Us today. I freakin' love that store. Its all fun and games. I wish I was young again. Pssh, whatever. I'm done. Here's Jessi-Boo's survey. I re-did it with my answers. Enjoy lover dolls.
( i'm drunk on your tears, can't you see, it's hurting everytime we touch... )
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| and just when you think its all over... his face appears out of the white light... you're saved |
[13 Aug 2004|01:35pm] |
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artistic |
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The Cure - Love Song |
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I feel so... wonderful. I feel depression and fear overwhelming me still, but last night makes me feel as if no matter what, all will be okay. Sean held me and he said "I'm here always, it'll be okay. And when it isn't I'll hold you even tighter until it is okay." How unbelieveably perfect is that? I love you sweetie.
Nothing too exciting is happening. Work work work. My mom is home from the hospital now so that weight has been lifted.
Long blogs piss me off lately so I'm done.
*smooches for all you cute people* exohex - shi
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[29 Jul 2004|07:11pm] |
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None |
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( Survey Spammage )
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| when im angry, you listen, make me happy, its your mission, and you wont stop till im there... |
[29 Jul 2004|09:25am] |
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bored |
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Ashlee Simpson- LaLa |
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Werd. So yeah not much as been up. Monday Sean came by early and spent the entire day here. He's perfect. He wrote me this poem/letter thingy that was so incredibely beautiful. He also bought me an *NSYNC DVD, werd. Yes I'm an *NSYNC whore. And some other things that were just too cute. ;-) We just did the family birthday deal. I wasnt much into friends this year. Then Tuseday I think Sean babysat my little cousin with me then we came back here. Moseyed around, talked... Ha, he found out I'd had a crush on him for two years before we went out... *sigh I'm a loser. So then we went to his house. We had a nice chat that cant really be repeated. Too personal for me, about an aspect of my life no one will ever know about. So then yesterday we watched the kid all day again and came over to his house. We played XBox but I got mad cuz I couldnt win so we stopped. Ah talk about spoiled brat... ;-p Today, well its early. Havent done shit. I'm not sure if I plan to. I think I'm just gonna clean my room up, do all my laundry and begin to pack. We leave for the beach tomarrow. We'll return on the eighth or ninth of August. So far so good, plans are all set. Annnnndd, thats all I guess. Seeya.
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| *grrrr* |
[25 Jul 2004|05:25pm] |
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mood |
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angry |
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"Shadow" - Ashlee Simpson |
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This is horrible. My brother... I've been thinking about him non stop. He cant go over there. He's only 22. He has so much life in him. He doesnt need to be in a foreign country fighting for a stupid worthless cause. Sure Saddam was a bad man but it isnt our mission to save the world. Thats selfish maybe but honestly... its life. And the weapons of mass destruction, yeah where are they? Shouldnt a war on terrorism be fought against the people who attacked us? Bin Laden and his crew did that... not Iraq. Its so pitiful that Bush only picked this job up because his father couldnt finish it. I honestly have no respect for our president... My brother should be in college or he should be working a normal job. He shouldnt be awaiting shipment to a country that does not want to feel our presence.
His biggest worry should be whether or not his little sisters are okay at school. Not whether or not he'll die in the next 24 hours. I cant imagine seeing him off and that being the last time I ever hear his voice again. Why should he lose his life for a country that lies and cheats and exploits to get to the top? How can he be proud to be an American? Because we're rich assholes? Yeah, thats something to be proud of. It makes me sick that he is so young and unaware, that he'd sign up for the Marines just so he could help pay his way through school because my family isnt made of money, then he has to end up being shipped off to this sickening bullshit war. Perhaps if the war was for a good cause or meant something important, then I couldnt say a word. I know that. But this, its just crap... crap none of our troops should be involved in. If Bush is so war happy why cant he walk his ass out to the battle fields and potentially die?
Fuck this...
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| *spits at the world* |
[25 Jul 2004|11:15am] |
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cranky |
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"In Da Club" - 50 Cents (<= hehehe!) |
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Ha, that subject doesnt really describe my mood but I was feeling bored and "creative".
Pfft, I dont really have much to update on. We took Mitsubishi to the vet yesterday for a check in thingy. I hate him. He cut me all up and he doesnt even have front claws. Rawr.
My mom took me shopping today. But apparently I'm not "fashionable". She hates how I dress. I love baggy boy pants or shorts and she just wants me to be all frilly and gross. Blah, I think not. So I ended up just buying a top and some flip flops. They're cute cute cute CUTE. Pfft@my mother.
Hmm tomarrow is my birthday. My daddy baked me a cake and shaped it into a hippo. Its large and orange. It has the cutest face. I'm so in love. Hehe. I'm not really doing anything for my birthday. I'll be home alone mostly till the night time. I'm just not into my friends right now.. I've got his weird "finding myself" mode turned on and no one is involved but Sean. Then I hafta babysit Tuesday and Wednesday then we leave for the beach on Friday night. Woo-ha!! Happy Shi.
My brother will either be coming in a few days or in three weeks. He only gets a week with us and a week with his mom. Now and in three weeks. So he'll prolly go to his mom's the first week and us in three weeks. Then he'll be shipped off to god knows where in the middle east. Argh.. I'm gonna be a mess for at least the first week. No love for the Iraqi's and our stupid war. But he's proud of how well he's doing in the Marines so I guess I hafta support him, yeah?
Anyway I'm done bullshiting about useless stuff.
I LOVE JESSI!!!
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| Yay-yah!! |
[22 Jul 2004|11:17pm] |
Alright so plans for the beach are set. Seany-Baby is coming fa shizzle! Yay!!!
My birthday is in 3 days. And in about 40 minutes is our 11 month anniversary. But its so cute, for my birthday he got me multiple gifts and we're playing Hanuakauh (sp?). I get a gift every other day until my birthday and then theres something special for my birthday. So far I've gotten a purse, its pink with flip flops all over it, my absolute favorite. Ah he so gets me its wonderful. And then tonight he bought the Harry Potter (GRR@PATRICK!!) jelly beans, the disgusting flavored ones. We had lotsa fun with those. He said dont get my hopes up too high for the special gift but I'm just excited because I'm sure anything he gives or makes will be just lovely. He's so perfect you guys!! Ah, I'm gonna be gushing the night of my birthday. Aaaaah I love you Sean!!
I havent had to work this week at all. Thank goodness. We went shopping today and I bought the new Ashlee Simpson album and the Spider-Man 2 album. I'm so in love with Ashlee lately. Shes fucking awesome.
Anyway not much has been going on. I re-named my new cat, his name is now Mitsubishi.
For now that shall be all. Love yall.
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| is that what you call a getaway? well tell me what you got away with... |
[20 Jul 2004|10:20pm] |
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 discontent |
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Brand New- Seventy Times 7 |
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Ugh. Those random, down on yourself spells suck. I was really psyched because he could go with me to the beach. But now I feel as if ten days with me is too many and I feel as if I'm forcing him to go. I also know he has baseball and we dont know when it will end and I dont like not knowing until the last minute when something will happen. It irks me. I want nothing more then to spend a relaxing ten days with the guy I love but the way my mind works, it seems as though that just cant happen. I think I need to get on some medication to keep my moods frequent and regular. At this rate every relationship I have right now is going to be ruined soon. I cant keep going on like this. I absolutely hate getting all uber emotional and depressed. Its sickening to me but I just, ugh. I guess I'm done. This is getting pointless and stupid. Night.
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| ill be your best kept secret and your biggest mistake... |
[19 Jul 2004|08:09pm] |
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mood |
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cheerful |
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music |
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Ashlee Simpson- Pieces of Me |
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Ah, I knew I'd begin to neglect this thing. As always. Well for now I'm back. Sean can come with me to the beach again! He could then he couldn't now he can! I'm postively thrilled!! I already have the perfect picture painted in my mind. The two of us hand in hand walking along the beach, the sun setting beautifully, a little wind, waves crashing in and then so naturally we stop and lean in for the most beautiful kiss to ever take place.
Ah see what love does to you? It makes your mind all mushy and geeky. *sigh* It is the greatest. Oh guess what? I got a new cat for my brithday. He's big and he is a Siamese and he has the prettiest blue eyes. We named him Ziggy. Werd. My other cats dont like him yet. But they will. I used to have a Siamese so while I had every intention of getting a kitten, I fell in love with this big ol' lug, so he is now mine. Woo. So yeah, my birthday is in 6 days. No 7. I'm certain I'll be doing nothing. I'm not really talking to any of my friends much. Eh. Donno why. But we'll see, something might strike me fancy.
I cut my hair off and dyed it black. I needed a change. Its not super short but it is shorter than it was and I absolutely am in love with it. Its a bit funky kinda and its new for me so I'm happy. I was so annoyed and bored with myself. Now I'm not.
Anyway thats all as far as updates. I'm leaving for vacation on the 30th and will come back with tremendous amounts of pictures. Yay.
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xxshidawg's journal
dorky